nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
