Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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