your thong is hanging out like whoa
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
