I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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