All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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