I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
