i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
