Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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