I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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