hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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