dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
