Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
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How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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