I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
