this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
