ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I wish there were birth control emojis
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
