a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
