dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
pop tarts are not kleenex
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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