I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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