I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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