Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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