So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
