hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
