Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize