That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
