dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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