You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
