"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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