I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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