I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
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Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"