the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
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I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
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I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.