I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
