I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
