It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
