Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
