WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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