I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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