He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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