Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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