Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
