We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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