It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
