Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
