I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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