Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
