i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
