I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
