I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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