To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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