If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
