Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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