Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
