It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
