after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
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Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
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His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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