Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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