i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
