haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
