I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
