I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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