Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
