they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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