I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
