My Higher Power is John Stamos
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just pee around me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
