I wish I only lived at night.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
