my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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