i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
