You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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