Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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