a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
