Yo dont text me then not text me
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
